Your sense of self isn’t a static image, bro. It’s more like a climate or a biome. Both of which can shift in gradual ways over time or suddenly due to internal or external factors. Just check the weather report, man. Don’t try to force the sky to stay blue without clouds 24/7.
Thinking about how my mom tried to “seduce” my dad when they were in college together by sneaking oranges into his backpack, because she grew up food insecure and feeding someone/sharing food was a big deal with her upbringing with a lot of emotional meaning–
and meanwhile my poor dad is just convinced that he’s been haunted by some citrus poltergeist because why the fuck are there always oranges in his bag he swears he did not put there???